Today's one of the days that my pessimism got the better of me. I was wondering whether I would ever be with Elena. Given how slowly things have progressed, I thought of giving up, and perhaps just "grab" anyone on the streets and settle down, well, for the sake of settling down. Nope, it's not that feelings for Elena has ebbed; it's just that, well, I've never been confident in the "game" of courtship, and I'm just plain afraid that rejection will give me a punch in my face yet again. I don't know, but somehow, I felt that this time, despite nothing (as in relationship) has ever started, I have given too much - in terms of my focus and commitment - and I'm afraid I would do the unimaginable when things don't work out... Yes, I can be a very emotional creature, and there are times, I would lose my head due to the unbalanced hormones.... I'm beginning to feel that I can't leave without her.... And that, I think at least for now, is a very bad sign....