Well, in any case, the following account does not explain why I feeling better today....

Last night, feeling agonized due to my "depression," I went to my room after finishing my work. In total darkness, I could almost feel my world collapsing on me and felt like crying. Then, as I prayed to God, I could feel myself being wrapped in His loving arms. Albeit the comforting feeling wasn't that intense, I think it was enough for me to be comforted by Him. I prayed for submission and for wisdom, not for the purpose of "scoring points" with Elena, but for the intention to re-prioritize my priorities, that setting God as the center of my life should be at the top of my list, not second (well, guess anyone would know who the person is to have been sitting at the number one spot.) The turmoil was calmed, and I had one of the best "concussions" since... since I don't-know-when... (Anyway, I dreamt of Elena too, but this is not the focus of this entry....)

Rain bile on me if you want, but right after waking up this morning, I sprang immediately to the mode of taking-things-into-my-own-hands again, and attempted to devise plans on how I ought to communicate with her. Well, praise be to the Almighty, I could feel something (or rather someone) within me reminding me to "let go and leave things into His hands." That "alarm" lasted for quite some time and eventually, the stiff-necked me¹ did heed to that.

(Again, I must stress that the following account is not the reason why I'm feeling better today, and is not the focus of this entry.)

I reached the office quite early today (perhaps around five minutes past nine), so quite naturally, I didn't expect Elena to have already reported for work (surprisingly, my expectation to see her was declining fast as I was approaching her desk with each passing second.) Okay, not an entirely big twist, but she was at her desk (staring at the monitor, I think), and with a momentarily hesitation, I just walked up to her, and asked her how she is managing her cell group. (For a record, the conversation lasted no longer than the time required to cook instant noodles.) Then, I followed up with an email, shortly after the short (pun intended) exchange, asking her more questions, which (yes, to my surprise) she replied around an hour later. (For yet another record, I replied with yet another mail at around 2pm.)

(Again, I must stress that the account above is not the reason why I'm feeling better today, and is not the focus of this entry.)

So, what is the focus of this entry? The path is really easy when God is in charge. I have always been usurping the authority from God, foolishly believing either that I'm in charge, or I still have to put in the more effort even God is providing. Well, this morning's "incident" taught me a valuable lesson: trusting in God and striking the balance in the amount of effort to put in are very important. Yes, I trust that God will provide, since He delights in giving gifts² to His children. But man cannot just sit and wait for things to happen (or putting it in a more theological manner: man cannot just wait for God to do all the work); man must contribute to the work God is leading in order to paint the perfect picture. This lesson is evident in, and central to the theme of, the book of Nehemiah. My contribution is important, but letting Him determine how best to use it is of utmost importance.

Yes, I think the manner this lesson is delivered is kinda weird, but well, the important thing is: I'm learning an important lesson! No longer this lesson is understood by me through mere reading (i.e. head knowledge); I've learnt it through experience.... Rejoice!!!!

This is one lesson that is long overdue...... (as in I should have learnt it earlier!!!!!) But better late than never, right? ;)

¹ Yes, that's how I describe myself, since I think I am a rebellious child. If not, how do one explain why I'm still sinning? (Of course, I know that we are all saved by grace, and that despite that we are already saved, we still do sin.) Anyway, I "labeled" myself as stiff-neck 'cos I want to remind myself not to follow the footsteps of the rebellious Israelites back in the OT.
² Although God delights in giving gifts, the channel He gives His gifts is not always "easy-to-swallow" in nature. I believe that sometimes these gifts come in the form of mishaps, and the true nature of these gift is the lesson to learn from it. Emerging stronger in faith, and character is the best gift God gives. ;)