Sometimes I think I am simply insane, trying to maintain sanity which does not ever exist in the first place. I pursue things of this world which thieves could steal and moths rot them away. I seek things that strain me. I suffer from dementia every now and then, only to, in my clear-headed days, discover that I have simply not learned from my experiences. I willfully throw myself into the deep end of the pool, only to discover that I could not even keep myself afloat. Sometimes, I have given up my responsibility in protecting myself. I think too highly of myself, forgetting that God is the provider of all the good things in my life.

I ask for things that I am not supposed to have; gifts that God decide are not for my own good. I always think that I know best, only to be ridiculed when things go awry. Drudgery has taken over, confusing me why it happened; it could be a fact of life that I have idealized away. I have romanticized too many things, only to be smacked hard when reality sneaks up on me. Why do I only realize I need to treasure the people around when they are gone, while all along I know I should treasure them?

I want to seek comfort in my Creator even when He seems far away. I know He is waiting for me to stretch out my hand to Him, and He will keep me safe from my insanity.