As a matter of fact, I know a couple of my friends would very much want to tell me to look forward and carry on with life afresh after this episode with Elena; and the reason they are holding back is because the time isn't quite right yet - after all, you don't expect a recent stab in the heart to stop bleeding immediately.

Ya, yet another fresh wound, bleeding profusely, despite the fact that nothing much actually happened. But given my stupid ideals with regards to relationships, I think it wouldn't be that difficult for anyone (even for those who don't know me well) to deduce that I'm very depressed now.

Damn it! Why haven't I learn from all the previous rejections? There is a limit to being stupid, and it's very frustrating to keep repeating the same stupid mistake. Yes, I am frustrated with myself. I would very much like to know why time and time again all attempts to enter a relationship ended before they even started! I'm so freaking stupid, hopeless, useless.... and now, even my patience with myself is seeping away. I would very much want to give up on myself....

I feel very helpless now.... depressed..... and I have not turned to Him to seek comfort..... damn me......